Grateful for the little things...

****4:23 AM****

I wake up on the couch with Zach wondering why I wasn't in bed. The truth is, I was crying about the deployment and I went into the Livingroom so I wouldn't wake him. I guess I fell asleep there. He got me back into bed and I was fine again.

****6:00 AM****

His alarm goes off and he doesn't realize that it's already woken me up so I get to hear, "Oh crap, shhh....SHHH!!!" as he tries to turn it off before it wakes me up. Then he quietly sneaks out of the room to get ready for his week. I just smile to myself before I fall back to sleep.

****7:00 AM****

I wake up to a gentle kiss goodbye for the last time in who knows how long.

He's on orders this week setting up for the FTX. I don't know when I'll get to see him again. For all I know, he's going to be working through the night every night and just sleeping at the Barracks.

Today, I am grateful for the little things he does for me--like this morning. They make me fall in love with him all over again. They give me little moments to hang on to that get me through the hard days.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him." --Anonymous

HE'S

***********************************************

DEPLOYING

These are the words that every Military Wife dreads hearing. He may have a week or a month or even a year before he goes, but the worrying starts as soon as those words register in our minds. As much as we'd like to ignore it there's just that stupid nagging in the back of our heads of: what if he gets shot?; what if he gets captured?; what if something happens to the helicopter he's in?; what if...what if...what if?

Sure we've got so long before he leaves but does that stop us from having nightmares? No. Does that stop us from breaking down at the most inconvenient moments? No. Does that stop us from hating the military a little bit for taking the men that we love away from us? Absolutely not.

My name is Malena and I'm an Army Wife. I got the news this last Thursday. It's our first deployment and I knew it was coming. We all know it's coming eventually--they joined the Armed Forces for a reason--to fight for our country. But this one I really did know was coming because he volunteered for it. The commander of the 624th came to his unit and asked for volunteers because their unit was still too small so....Zach, being the devoted soldier that he is, came home and told me all about it. We talked about it for a really long time and on the last day possible he sent in his intent to volunteer. That was 4-5 months ago so we thought that the 624th had already found enough volunteers.

Boy

were

we

wrong.

Thursday night, right before we were about to head out for the night, he decided to check his AKO e-mail and lo and behold there's the worst e-mail I have ever seen in my life. I looked over his shoulder, saw two words, and my stomach dropped like an anvil. I tried so hard to put on a brave face but he knew I was faking. He tried to get me to come sit with him on the couch but I knew I'd start bawling so I just stood there staring at him. I didn't even have time to blink before he was up holding me and I was completely breaking down. I don't remember the last time I've cried like that. I felt like my world was ending.

It's been a week since we found out and it's finally gotten easier to talk about. I don't cry every time I think about it anymore. Yesterday, we even talked about kids and what I was going to do while he was gone and when he gets home for 15 minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry.

Progress. ...right?

My name is Malena and my soldier deploys in April 2012 for 15 months. This is my journey to stay Army Strong.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."--Anonymous