Living in a Hurricane

Dear World,

You know the saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"? Well, what do you do when life sticks you right in the middle of a hurricane?

I stopped writing around the time that Zach lost his job. We both hated every minute of him working for those Anti-Military, Communist, Con-men but it paid the bills. I guess, looking back, that was a blessing in disguise. I started working at Biomat about a week later but because I wouldn't get my first paycheck until AFTER the rent was due we almost lost the apartment. Can I just tell you, we have never prayed and fasted so hard in our lives.

His parents ended up lending us the rent money for December (SO GRATEFUL!) and we saved all our pennies for that month so we wouldn't have that problem again. It helped so much that over the break Biomat had me working full-time. That paid for rent in January and most the bills in December with some money left for savings.

Come January, school started and we both got our Pell Grant returns! Now we finally have money in savings and I'm not holding my breath for the next accident to happen anymore. It had been a couple months since we'd last been to the temple so we decided to take a trip to the Bountiful Temple. It is one of the most beautiful temples I've ever had the honor of entering. Definitely top 5 material! Neither of us had ever done Sealings before so that's what we did. What a magical experience. To be able to seal all those families together for Time and All Eternity was such a blessing to me. Then, we got to sit in the Celestial room for a while. 

Cool little fact:

One of the workers told me that there are only 3 chandeliers in the whole world like the one in the temple. One is at Bountiful Temple, the second is at Buckingham Palace, and the third is lost. 

I thought that the storm was over until I was on my way to work last Tuesday. I called Zach to talk while I drove (I know! Bad habit, but that's not the point of this story!) and suddenly out of nowhere he says, "Hey, they found me a school...uhh...it's from March 24th to April 20th...".

Worst.

News. 

Ever.

Why is that the worst news? 1: We were going to celebrate our anniversary on the way to Jason's wedding. He can't do either now. 2: That's essentially him deploying a month early. He will come home for two weeks then take off for Fort Bliss for the real deployment.

I was sobbing so hard I could barely see the road. I had to call in to work because there was no way I would be able to stay calm there. The donors like to bring up the deployment when they talk to me...not a good subject at that moment. 

I got three days in a row off last week which helped me so much to come to term with things.

I'm mostly better. I'm a lot more reserved now...I don't open up like I used to at work. I still smile when it's necessary...but it's not quite as forced as last week.

The times when I'm about to break I just take a deep breath and count my blessings. I remember the promise given to Zach in his Patriarchal Blessing. I remember the promises given to me in my Patriarchal Blessing. I think about my kids at church who need me to be strong. I think about the scriptures that tell us that the Lord wouldn't give us a challenge that we can't handle...and our trials are but small moments in time. When I'm about to break I let the gospel flow into my heart and fill the void that is starting to be created there. It's like a bandaid for all the new cuts. I love the gospel more than words can say. It can bring a peace to your soul that can't be found anywhere else on Earth. I love my parents for choosing to have us be born in the Gospel. I love my siblings for the never-ending examples that they are to me.

I'm going to make it through this deployment, not because I'm strong on my own. I'm going to make it through this deployment because the people in my life need me to be strong and, with their love-- I can be. I'm going to be strong mostly because Zach needs me to be strong for him and that's my plan.

I am so proud of the choice he made to deploy. Yes, it's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with but, ya know what? If he hadn't volunteered, that wouldn't be my husband. He is always thinking of others first...he joined the military to be a soldier and he's the best one that I know. He doesn't realize just how proud he makes me, and listening to my rants you wouldn't be able to tell...but being an Army Wife makes me proud. It's hard, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my soldier and I love that he is so selfless and brave.

"Army Wife: It's not a status, it's a life long promise to him."