Here is a song that my sweet friend, Sabrina, posted. So far, on this deployment journey I have: completely broken down in front of my math teacher, gotten about 4 hours of sleep every night, am []this close to failing my classes this semester because I can't focus, I have pasted that fake smile for the world to see while I'm at work, I deal with the "Oh, I totally understand! I've seen Army Wives!" and the "Oh. THAT'S his job? He's safe." people, and, through the Lord, have become stronger than I ever knew possible.
However, through this whole experience (other than praying for their safety) I have been so selfish! I thought that this experience wasn't hard on the soldiers "because they trained for it". I thought that I was the only one hurting. I know that it is hard for them, but I was only thinking of myself. After Sabrina posted this song, my view on this did a complete 180. I need the rest of you military wives/girlfriends/husbands/families out there to see that it isn't easy on them either. They didn't want to leave us...they had to. This song made me love my soldier so much more than I did before. It made me see how hard it was for him to say goodbye again...but he did it because it was asked of him. He is among the most selfless men I have ever met and I am so grateful that we have this life together. Yes, it's hard, but I wouldn't change one second of what we have together.
So, without further ado, I give you...
Memphis May Fire-- Miles Away
"Army Wife: It's not my status; it's my life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous
Tonight, I am half a world away from the man I love. I hurt in places I never knew existed...all because we are apart. Tonight, I didn't pray for comfort like I should have but the Lord knew exactly what I needed. He took pity on me and gave me His comfort and love even when I did not deserve it. Tonight, I am at peace. I know that everything will be ok. I know that my angel will come home to me. Tonight, the Lord heard my heart crying out to Him and answered me.
I thought I understood what people were talking about when they would say, "He hears and answers every prayer." But, until now, I had no idea. EVERY prayer. The one that I didn't say...the one that I didn't even know that my heart was screaming out. He answered me. He knows me. He loves me. Heavenly Father knew what I needed tonight and came to my rescue. His arms wrapped around me and my tears ceased, my fears subsided, and my heart was no longer troubled.
I cannot express how grateful I am to Him for calming me down tonight. There are people around me that I can complain to but I don't, 90% of the time. They don't need to be burdened with my pain. And, honestly, I feel like they don't understand. Even the wives who are going through it with me. We are all experiencing the same deployment and a completely different deployment all at the same time. They don't know EXACTLY how I am feeling so I choose not to complain to them most the time. They have their own pain. However, HE knows my pain. He knows, right down to the last little ache. He knows exactly what I am going through right now. I love the Lord with all my heart. ...it just took me a little while to remember that He is always there if I only cry out to Him.
During all of this, I found an old song that I haven't heard in years. It brought me so much peace that I need to share it for those who need peace as well. Like the song says, "I stand in holy places, and I will not move until the Captain comes and says well done. He is the hope I hold on to." I will get through this deployment because I am holding onto Him the entire way. He gives me peace when I have none. He gives me the strength to get out of bed each day. He sends Zach's love to me when I need it most.
Tonight...I stand in holy places. I will hold on until He comes and tells me that I've done well. I will hold on until Zach comes back to me safely.
In a sea shifting values Tossed on every wave While the winds wail around me I will not be afraid To call out for my captain To calm the waves in me When I stand a little taller Its only then I finally see
I stand in holy places Protected from the storm Anchored safe in harbor Though my sails are ripped and worn I stand in holy places And I will not move Until the Captain comes And says Well done He is the hope I hold on to In holy places
There is a harbor in His holy house An anchor in His grace That steadies in the waves of doubt And in every holy place No matter where I travel His spirits guiding me With the Lord as my captain There is a peaceful port in me
I stand in holy places Protected from the storm Anchored safe in harbor Though my sails are ripped and worn I stand in holy places And I will not move Until the Lord has come And says well done He is the hope I hold on to
I stand in holy places Protected from the storm Anchored safe in harbor Though my sails are ripped and worn I stand in holy places And I will not move Until the Lord has come And says well done He is the hope I hold on to In holy places
Holy places
"Army Wife: It's not my status. It's my life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous
