It's a Bittersweet Symphony (sorry for the length!!)

I know, I know, I know ANOTHER post today. I'm sorry! I just feel like I need to spread the good news...well, bittersweet news anyways. Here's the update on my visit to the doctor.

First, I will NEVER go to him again. He's rude. However, he DID tell me some important information. In last week's blog I mentioned that I was going to the doctor to see what was up with the lateness and the negative pregnancy tests. I'm still not pregnant but this time instead of telling me, "Keep trying" like all the others he said, "I think I know what's wrong. Let me double check." which was nice. And sure enough, I have something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This means that I have a lot of cysts on my ovaries which are doing some pretty gnarly things to my body.The most important things though are that it's why I haven't been able to lose weight since I got married (I've gained 46 lbs with no success in losing even 1 of them!!) and that it makes it a billion times harder for me to get pregnant.

Hard Pregnancy:

Apparently, I don't ovulate like the average woman. Sometimes when I'm on my period I still won't ovulate and other times I will miss my period altogether (like I did in August). Since getting pregnant takes everything being perfect and just at the right time anyways, this just screws with the system. Dr. Park prescribed me some medication that I take on days 5-9 and they will supposedly help me ovulate that month.

He explained this VERY poorly and basically told me, "Yeah, good luck getting pregnant" (read that statement with as much sarcasm as you can muster). I was devastated, to put it lightly. I went back to school and told Zach then went home for the day. On my way home I decided to call my sister, Tawna. I explained everything that happened and she told me not to listen to my doctor and that I could get pregnant then explained more about PCOS than my actual doctor did. She even told me stories about some of her friends getting pregnant with PCOS. I love her so much for that. She calmed me down a lot. So, I'm headed to the pharmacy to pick up the pills soon and see what happens with that.

Even if they don't work, I'm doing a lot better with it now and I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it will happen. Just because it's not in my time doesn't mean He doesn't hear me. I'm trying to keep trusting Him during all of this.

Weight Gain:

Dr. Park told me that I can't lose weight like the average person so I have to force myself to lose weight. This came as a HUGE shock to me because before I got married I was dropping weight like it was a hot potato. I didn't have to diet or anything...I just didn't gain. And all he said on this topic was "You have to force yourself". That's it. Not another word was said. I have never had a doctor who didn't explain that before. He's lucky I didn't think he meant, "Go Anorexic". Anyway, that night I went to my parents' house because my brother was surprising his wife by coming home from AIT (military school). We spent the whole weekend there which was great but still didn't solve my weight problem. Now, I'd tried everything. I'd exercised, I'd dieted and nothing worked. That is, until my mom told me about her diet. I knew about it because she did it while I was growing up but I never wanted to do it. This thing works like a charm!

What is it? It's called Amylose Free. So, here it is:

 Part 1: if it has wheat in it you can't eat it.

Go gluten free. 

You can have oats and barley, so all you oatmeal lovers keep on eating. Here's some info about that (click here!)

Part 2: 

if something has sugar in the first 3 ingredients don't eat it!

and Part 3:

No bleached food so that means only brown rice.

Finally Part 4:

Follow the Glycemic Index

This part isn't as hard as it sounds. It's pretty much "No Duh" stuff. Here's where you'll find a great site with all the information on that (click here!). 

OH! I almost forgot. You can occasionally have a baked potato but mashed are OUT OF THE QUESTION!! Boiled potatoes bring out that Amylose starch that you don't want. 

The first 28 days are the hardest, or so my mom says. But after that you will have no problem sticking to it. 

At first, I thought it was going to be really expensive but it's not. There are some things that are a bit more expensive than regular food but it's so worth it. Just buy fresh things and you'll be ok. 

So, does it work? I started it on Monday and last night (Thursday) at 11:45PM I checked my weight and I had lost 4 lbs. I'd say it works. 

I'm taking Zumba twice a week which, I know, helped with the weight loss. Exercise will increase your results a lot. Even just going for a 30 minute walk every day. 

There's my bittersweet news. Hopefully, some of you can use this diet. When it gets hard just stick to your guns just remember that I'm doing it too so you're not alone! No sugar is the worst part. I never ate candy before and I'm craving it so bad. Stick to it! It works! Good Luck!

"Army Wife: It's not just my status, it's my life long promise to him."

An Old Obsession

I've been dreaming again. Dreaming of post-deployment, of post-Army. Dreaming of raising our little family in a house of our own.

When Zach and I finally buy our house there are a lot of things that I want to do to make it ours. What, you may ask? Well, to start things off I'm going to finally do the one thing I've wanted to do for years.

Chalkboard Refrigerators

This one is the one I was

originally thinking about. 

I think this patterned

one is really fun. 

This isn't a fridge but it's a really cute kitchen.

This is cute but not "it".

This one is neat because it still

has the ice and water thing.

I think that I want a fridge that takes panels so that if I get sick of one color I can just take the panels out and put different ones in. There are so many different colors of chalkboard paint out there but black speaks to me the most.

This is my obsession for today. One day I'll get to do it. Until then, I'll just keep the smile on my face and I'll keep dreaming.

"Army Wife: It's not just my status, it's my life long promise to him."

When You Wish Upon a Star......you end up at the doctor??

In the immortal words of Jiminy Cricket,

When you wish upon a Star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your Dream

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As Dreamers do

Fate is kind

She brings to those who love

The sweet fulfillment of

Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue

Fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star

Your dreams come true

Well, for the past year I've wished on every star and, Darn it, Jiminy Cricket, I never got my wish.

In 30 minutes I'm headed to the doctor. Not how I wanted to spend my morning, but that's where I'm going, regardless. Today marks day 43 and 3 negative pregnancy tests. Now, I get to spend all morning getting poked and prodded for who knows what tests. To make matters worse, Zach can't come. He gets to be a good little boy and go to class since it's his first day for two of them. So, I'm on my own.

When you wish upon a star, Fate supposedly steps in and gives you what you wished for. This time, Fate stepped in and gave me a doctor's visit. Where in that song does it say that Fate has a sense of humor? Here's to hoping his sense of humor doesn't last too much longer, eh?

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."--Anonymous

Grateful for the little things...

****4:23 AM****

I wake up on the couch with Zach wondering why I wasn't in bed. The truth is, I was crying about the deployment and I went into the Livingroom so I wouldn't wake him. I guess I fell asleep there. He got me back into bed and I was fine again.

****6:00 AM****

His alarm goes off and he doesn't realize that it's already woken me up so I get to hear, "Oh crap, shhh....SHHH!!!" as he tries to turn it off before it wakes me up. Then he quietly sneaks out of the room to get ready for his week. I just smile to myself before I fall back to sleep.

****7:00 AM****

I wake up to a gentle kiss goodbye for the last time in who knows how long.

He's on orders this week setting up for the FTX. I don't know when I'll get to see him again. For all I know, he's going to be working through the night every night and just sleeping at the Barracks.

Today, I am grateful for the little things he does for me--like this morning. They make me fall in love with him all over again. They give me little moments to hang on to that get me through the hard days.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him." --Anonymous

HE'S

***********************************************

DEPLOYING

These are the words that every Military Wife dreads hearing. He may have a week or a month or even a year before he goes, but the worrying starts as soon as those words register in our minds. As much as we'd like to ignore it there's just that stupid nagging in the back of our heads of: what if he gets shot?; what if he gets captured?; what if something happens to the helicopter he's in?; what if...what if...what if?

Sure we've got so long before he leaves but does that stop us from having nightmares? No. Does that stop us from breaking down at the most inconvenient moments? No. Does that stop us from hating the military a little bit for taking the men that we love away from us? Absolutely not.

My name is Malena and I'm an Army Wife. I got the news this last Thursday. It's our first deployment and I knew it was coming. We all know it's coming eventually--they joined the Armed Forces for a reason--to fight for our country. But this one I really did know was coming because he volunteered for it. The commander of the 624th came to his unit and asked for volunteers because their unit was still too small so....Zach, being the devoted soldier that he is, came home and told me all about it. We talked about it for a really long time and on the last day possible he sent in his intent to volunteer. That was 4-5 months ago so we thought that the 624th had already found enough volunteers.

Boy

were

we

wrong.

Thursday night, right before we were about to head out for the night, he decided to check his AKO e-mail and lo and behold there's the worst e-mail I have ever seen in my life. I looked over his shoulder, saw two words, and my stomach dropped like an anvil. I tried so hard to put on a brave face but he knew I was faking. He tried to get me to come sit with him on the couch but I knew I'd start bawling so I just stood there staring at him. I didn't even have time to blink before he was up holding me and I was completely breaking down. I don't remember the last time I've cried like that. I felt like my world was ending.

It's been a week since we found out and it's finally gotten easier to talk about. I don't cry every time I think about it anymore. Yesterday, we even talked about kids and what I was going to do while he was gone and when he gets home for 15 minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry.

Progress. ...right?

My name is Malena and my soldier deploys in April 2012 for 15 months. This is my journey to stay Army Strong.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."--Anonymous

PT stud, and zumba, and hair dye...OH MY!

To start: Mad Props go to Zach for demolishing his PT test today!! He was praying to just pass the running portion and he beat it by a minute and a half! I am so proud of him! This test was causing him a lot of stress because of what we would lose if he had failed. I am just so glad that he finally relax. So, his goal? BEAT!

My goal of getting back to pre-wedding weight by my birthday is not happening. I'm sure I would've been just fine if it wasn't for that accident. Over spring break I went 4-wheeling with dad and Zach and the ATV flipped on top of me and rolled down the hill. Luckily I just got some gnarly bruises, and a messed up wrist, and that no one else was hurt. Anyways, because I'm still recovering from that, I haven't been able to exercise. Zach bought me DDR which I have just started being able to play and I love it! It's keeping me active but nowhere near active enough to lose the weight I need to. I've only got 2 months to lose 25 lbs :\

This made me decide on something drastic. I'm going to buy Zumba. Zach doesn't know yet so I'll probably tell him tonight when he calls (I hate drill weekends). I'm SUPER excited for it to come! I'll keep the 0 people that read this thing updated with how everything's going. I'm hoping to at least look less fat for Jessie's wedding next month.

This isn't a goal but on Thursday night Zach helped me dye my hair, I got impatient and accidentally washed out all of the dye so he bought me a new one and we started over the next morning. At first it didn't seem very different then I got to work and everyone was asking about it and I looked in the mirror and it had darkened a lot. I really like the new color. It's not what I was going for but it's a nice one. When Zach comes back with his computer I'll post pictures. I am so lucky! How did I get a husband who loves me so much that he'll help me dye my hair TWICE just to make me smile?

I can't wait to move! Of course, the Army is stealing Zach from me for 2 weeks so I'm by myself but my family and friends so good to offer to come help me. We're moving to Goshen with the parents for the summer until we can find a house that's closer to his unit. We're tired of spending $200/month on gas. I hope we can find something in our price range! One thing about growing up I hate: BILLS.

Life just turned into an adventure...

Sunday was our first week in our new ward. We both think we're going to really enjoy it there. The members are so friendly and really hilarious. They all made us feel so welcome. One of the older ladies told us that they would adopt us until we move so that we wouldn't feel homesick for our homewards and that she had better see us at all of the ward parties. She then hugged us really tight and told us how excited she was for us to be there. Another older woman asked me my name so I told her and she replied very sternly, almost to the point of anger, "And does Malena have a last name?!" I'm pretty sure I'm going to be scared by her for quite a while...

Monday I ended up in the ER for 4 hours. After being pumped full of medication, having 7-8 tests done, and an ultrasound of everything done, doctors still can't figure out what's wrong with me...nothing new there. The only thing I really remember about that night was Zach refused to sleep and I got mad about something and told him that "I'm the ONLY girl that gets to straddle you!" Yeah...no idea what that was about. He said that I was really funny because of the drugs though. On a happier note, I got to miss work for two days and I got a new one today. I start next Wednesday.

The new job is at a restaurant called Bluebird Cafe. I guess I'm going to be a hostess and a server there. I did that for 13 months so it should mostly just be a refresher course and learning a new menu. I'm really excited for it! Better pay, no chemicals, no scrubbing other peoples...messes...all day. That's the life! It's also a better job because I will get to go to school in January and keep the job.

I went to talk to my advisor last week and she informed me that as of 2012 USU will have a Vet School so I won't have to wait a year for Zach to graduate before I can apply for grad school! We're going to live in Logan for 6 more years and then we'll have to move to Pullman, WA for 2 years so I can finish up Vet school. Oh by the way, I'm going to school to become a Veterinarian. My father-in-law? EXTREMELY excited! That is, until I told him that I wasn't going to be done with school for 8 years. He wants his business to stay in the family but I don't think he wants to own it for that long so he's looking for a buyer.

Zach and I looked at a few houses today to move into and the best bet is a beautiful, old, yellow house. The only downfall is that Zach can't get a Husky. Every place we have looked at so far has had weight/breed restrictions. The realtor asked them about pets and they said we could have our Chiweenie there but no Husky. I don't know why, there's a HUGE backyard that is completely fenced in. Oh well, it's their house I guess. When we move to Washington I'll buy him a Husky for sure. Anyways, we're probably going to be moving into the new house at the beginning of December. I can't wait!! Finally no neighbors that keep me up until 2 in the AM! I can finally go to bed at 10 :)

Well, I found the dog I want. I found it a few days ago and for the price he's asking it's probably already sold. A Chiweenie for $75?? That's completely unheard of. I really hope he's still got the dog or I can find one for a reasonable price.

Zach's school is going great! A few retarded teachers but you've got to have those every semester or it just wouldn't be college, right? For the most part, though, he loves it. He can't wait to be done with his generals so he can start the classes he started going to school for. 4 1/2 more years and he'll be out in the real world.