Stand in Holy Places

Tonight, I am half a world away from the man I love. I hurt in places I never knew existed...all because we are apart. Tonight, I didn't pray for comfort like I should have but the Lord knew exactly what I needed. He took pity on me and gave me His comfort and love even when I did not deserve it. Tonight, I am at peace. I know that everything will be ok. I know that my angel will come home to me. Tonight, the Lord heard my heart crying out to Him and answered me.

I thought I understood what people were talking about when they would say, "He hears and answers every prayer." But, until now, I had no idea. EVERY prayer. The one that I didn't say...the one that I didn't even know that my heart was screaming out. He answered me. He knows me. He loves me. Heavenly Father knew what I needed tonight and came to my rescue. His arms wrapped around me and my tears ceased, my fears subsided, and my heart was no longer troubled. 

I cannot express how grateful I am to Him for calming me down tonight. There are people around me that I can complain to but I don't, 90% of the time. They don't need to be burdened with my pain. And, honestly, I feel like they don't understand. Even the wives who are going through it with me. We are all experiencing the same deployment and a completely different deployment all at the same time. They don't know EXACTLY how I am feeling so I choose not to complain to them most the time. They have their own pain. However, HE knows my pain. He knows, right down to the last little ache. He knows exactly what I am going through right now. I love the Lord with all my heart. ...it just took me a little while to remember that He is always there if I only cry out to Him.

During all of this, I found an old song that I haven't heard in years. It brought me so much peace that I need to share it for those who need peace as well. Like the song says, "I stand in holy places, and I will not move until the Captain comes and says well done. He is the hope I hold on to." I will get through this deployment because I am holding onto Him the entire way. He gives me peace when I have none. He gives me the strength to get out of bed each day. He sends Zach's love to me when I need it most.

Tonight...I stand in holy places. I will hold on until He comes and tells me that I've done well. I will hold on until Zach comes back to me safely.

In a sea shifting values
Tossed on every wave
While the winds wail around me
I will not be afraid
To call out for my captain
To calm the waves in me
When I stand a little taller
Its only then I finally see

I stand in holy places
Protected from the storm
Anchored safe in harbor
Though my sails are ripped and worn
I stand in holy places
And I will not move
Until the Captain comes
And says Well done
He is the hope I hold on to
In holy places

There is a harbor in His holy house
An anchor in His grace
That steadies in the waves of doubt
And in every holy place
No matter where I travel
His spirits guiding me
With the Lord as my captain
There is a peaceful port in me

I stand in holy places
Protected from the storm
Anchored safe in harbor
Though my sails are ripped and worn
I stand in holy places
And I will not move
Until the Lord has come
And says well done
He is the hope I hold on to

I stand in holy places
Protected from the storm
Anchored safe in harbor
Though my sails are ripped and worn
I stand in holy places
And I will not move
Until the Lord has come 
And says well done
He is the hope I hold on to
In holy places

Holy places

"Army Wife: It's not my status. It's my life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous

Oh, How I Love the Wives

I've got insomnia. I tried to sleep but I couldn't without posting this. It kept nagging and nagging until I turned my computer back on. Because of how tired I am, it will just be short.

When we first heard about the deployment, I thought I could get through it alone. I thought that I would be strong enough to not need anyone else.

**I have never been more wrong**

Because of this deployment, there was a group made on Facebook for the spouses and families of the deploying soldiers. 

Best. Idea. Ever. 

It originally started out as a bunch of strangers with a similar hurdle to jump. Then, the admin shared her story which got everyone else to share as well. As more people began sharing, I noticed that we all started talking more and planning to see each other more. The people in Logan found each other, Idaho found each other, etc. and we became each others support. 

Over the last few weeks these amazing women have gone from being complete strangers to me, to being sisters. When I've had a bad day, they make me laugh until I want to pee my pants. When I'm missing my husband, they're there to let me cry. When I need someone to stop me from buying too much for my husband's birthday, they are there to encourage me to buy more! 

I am grateful for this deployment for so many reasons...but today, it's because it brought us together. If it wasn't for the deployment, I wouldn't know these women and I wouldn't have their strength rubbing off on me each day. The days when I feel weak they pick me up and help me keep going.

I love these ladies more every time I get on the computer. They are all so strong and so brave. They help me know that no matter what, we are sisters and nothing will change that. I don't think I will be able to repay them for what they have done for me so far (not to mention what I know they will do for me over the next year). MK was absolutely right. I am completely still in debt to her! ;) as well as the rest of them.

"Army Wife: It's not my status. It's my life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous

Embrace the Suck

Today....

Today straight up sucked.

Yes, marrying a soldier you know what you're getting into; but does that make it hurt any less? Nope. I think it makes it worse because it's constantly in the back of your mind. Knowing that one day, the man you love more than life itself is going to be called up by his country, for God only knows how long, to a country that you've only heard stories about. They prepare for this from day one. THIS is why they joined the military in the first place! They're trained for this!

****We're not****

We're not trained for what to do at home while he's off fighting a war. But we deal...and we stay "Army Strong" because we love them. We take it one day at a time and hope that the next day we get a little stronger. At least, that's what I think--that's what I hope. "You never know how strong you are until you don't have any other choice." Status: True. Today, I start my journey to find out just how strong I really am. 

Today is the official day 1 for me. I woke up at 5:18 and couldn't get back to sleep. That's ok with me, though. It gave me 20 minutes to just watch him sleep. Out the door at 6:30...that's the Army for ya...hurry up and wait. I'm glad we got that extra hour before things got crowded. It was nice to have that time, relatively, alone. 

I didn't think that anyone in our family was going to be able to make it but my two wonderful sisters, Tawna and Ta'Mera, and their families drove for over an hour just to see him off. It meant so much to him to have that support. I am so grateful that they sacrificed so much to make it this morning. I don't think I could have gotten through it without them there.

Phoenix and Maddox LOVED looking at the planes. Maddox thought it was so cool that there were so many soldiers around. I got a text from Ta'Mera later saying, "Wow! Uncle Zach is an Army guy!"~Maddox. Apparently he didn't know. But they sure love their Uncle Zach...they also love the cookies and donuts that they got when they walked into the hangar. 

Listening to the commanders talk to the troops and families. One soldier proposed to his girlfriend! So bittersweet. 

Lennox stopped crying for all of two seconds JUST for this photo! I felt so lucky. The poor baby just wanted to eat not get his picture taken!

Zach picked up Phoenix and she latched onto him like it was life or death. They stayed like this for several minutes. The only thing that got her to let go of him was Maddox grabbing her leg and pulling as hard as he could :)

Last goodbye. This is when I knew that it was finally hitting Zach too. He grabbed me and wouldn't let go. It wasn't a normal hug...it was an "I'm going to miss you so much" hug. I hated this moment...I didn't want to let go. 

:'( This is it...the last time I get to see his face. This was a lot louder than the video shows...it was a really cool second. So...hard to handle. 

:'( There he goes. I love you, Zach! Oh, so many tears.

I am so proud of my soldier...so proud of the entire 624th! Stay safe and return with honor, soldiers. You make us all so proud to be Army Families.

"Army Wife: It's not my status. It's my life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous

"A Soldier's Song"--Jessica Frech

I just want to share this song with everyone. It's such a beautiful tribute to our troops. It's a little long because she talks at the beginning and the end but it's worth it. If you want, the lyrics are below. 

They walked through the door and onto the plane waving Goodbye with their hands

They spent the last year coping with fear that their children Would understand

And as one looked around

He swallowed his pride down

This is why we're here

We'll all leave below a blue sky traveling side by side

We'll all leave with our heads held high we know the road that lies

We'll go and serve

And with honor we'll return

They lost quite a few along the way but brought them together the same

From assignment to assignment and mission to mission this is why they came

And as one looked around

He made it to solid ground

This is why we're here

We'll all leave below a blue sky traveling side by side

We'll all leave with our heads held high we know the road that lies

We'll go and serve

And with honor we'll return

We'll all leave with our heads held high we know the road that lies

We'll all leave below a blue sky traveling side by side

We'll all leave with our heads held high we know the road that lies

We'll go and serve

And with honor we'll return

"Army Wife: It's not a status. It's a life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous

Lovin' on this man

The last time we were at his parents house for family dinner, he was late. He walked in in his ACU's and our niece, Kodie (2 1/2 years old), looked up from her dinner and said, "*gasp* There's my super hero!" She had never done anything like that before. Zach still wishes that someone had taped her saying it because he thought that she didn't like him. The rest of the day, she dragged him around the house showing him "monsters" in Jordan's room and playing with the laser pen she found. She climbed on his lap when it was time for dessert and wouldn't leave his side. It was the most adorable thing I have ever seen. <3

Not only is he her super hero...he is my hero too. 

A while back we had family pictures taken, here are a few.

I know this is corny, but he really is the rock that gets me through the hard times. I don't know who I would be without him and his never-ending love for me. I am so grateful for his willingness to sacrifice everything he has and is to go fight for a people that he doesn't know. All he knows is that they are God's children and they need help. 

It's moments like this where I can't even describe how proud of him I am.

"Army Wife: It's not a status. It's a life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous

...with a little bit of Insanity thrown on top

Prologue: I may write 2-3 today because I have SO much to catch up on! 

So...the day has come and gone. Zach left about a month ago. I will get to see him fly out to Afghanistan sometime in the next month and a half but until then...he's states away. I'm surprisingly ok with it. I keep myself busy enough that by the time I get home at night I'm not exhausted to think about the "what if's". 

The other day, we had family day at Camp Williams and I was talking to a retired wife who told me, 

"The first two months are going to feel like he's a training. You'll know he's deployed but sub-consciously you think he's coming home, so you don't get sad. It's that first day of month 3 that is when it's the hardest."

Yay!!!!.... O.o .... I've got a while before it hits then. I'm expecting it'll hit as I'm watching his plane fly out but who knows. It might not even hit me until he comes home. I've heard of wives having that experience.  Anyways, the point is, I tried to avoid it, but it came. Now is the test for how strong I really am.

That also leads into what the title means :) I'm pretty excited about it. One of the goals of every Army Wife going through a deployment is this: I need to lose weight so I can look my best when he gets home!! 

Does it ever happen? Not often. They start but they don't keep it up. This is why my goal isn't for weight. I couldn't care less about what I weigh. In fact, I got rid of my scale. My deployment goal is to finish....wait for it.....

****INSANITY****

For those who don't know what it is, it's a kick-your-butt P90X on steroids. It gives you the results that you've been working for for 3 years straight, all in 60 days. I just finished day 1 yesterday, I am SO sore and I LOVE it!!

My doctor told me that I needed to do something extreme for my PCOS. Is this extreme enough? lol. :)I'll post my stats as I go along...in a different post than this one because I can't find the ones from yesterday.

"Army Wife: It's not a status. It's a life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous

GUESS WHAT!!

I've been sick since Thursday and it's only been getting worse so...I went to the doctor today. I found out that I have Pneumonia. (DON'T STOP READING!! I know, you were expecting good news but that's coming, be patient!) We're hoping that it will be gone by my appointment next week. For the next little while I'm banned from work and, basically, anything that lets me out of the house, so this is all I get to do. That, obviously, is not the awesome news.

Come to find out, that dick-head doctor that diagnosed me with PCOS didn't tell me the whole truth. Yes, I still have PCOS but he told me that birth control was the only way to fix it. LIAR! LeAnn (new doctor) told me today that there's a medication specifically for PCOS that will make my symptoms almost go away completely! How awesome is that?? What an amazing answer to so many prayers!

ALSO! Zach got a job that he absolutely loves! He's a driver. This is a much more military-friendly company than the last place. I'm just so glad they're willing to work with him on this whole school/deployment thing.

Last bit of good news, we found a new place to live. It's a cute little town house in West Jordan so I'll be really close to the in-laws and it's right in between my new school (cross your fingers that I get in) and work.

I'm so grateful that the Lord answers prayers like He does. It just takes so much pressure off of our shoulders, especially right now when everything is coming up so fast. 

"Army Wife: It's not a status. It's a life-long promise to him." ~Anonymous