Grateful for the little things...

****4:23 AM****

I wake up on the couch with Zach wondering why I wasn't in bed. The truth is, I was crying about the deployment and I went into the Livingroom so I wouldn't wake him. I guess I fell asleep there. He got me back into bed and I was fine again.

****6:00 AM****

His alarm goes off and he doesn't realize that it's already woken me up so I get to hear, "Oh crap, shhh....SHHH!!!" as he tries to turn it off before it wakes me up. Then he quietly sneaks out of the room to get ready for his week. I just smile to myself before I fall back to sleep.

****7:00 AM****

I wake up to a gentle kiss goodbye for the last time in who knows how long.

He's on orders this week setting up for the FTX. I don't know when I'll get to see him again. For all I know, he's going to be working through the night every night and just sleeping at the Barracks.

Today, I am grateful for the little things he does for me--like this morning. They make me fall in love with him all over again. They give me little moments to hang on to that get me through the hard days.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him." --Anonymous

HE'S

***********************************************

DEPLOYING

These are the words that every Military Wife dreads hearing. He may have a week or a month or even a year before he goes, but the worrying starts as soon as those words register in our minds. As much as we'd like to ignore it there's just that stupid nagging in the back of our heads of: what if he gets shot?; what if he gets captured?; what if something happens to the helicopter he's in?; what if...what if...what if?

Sure we've got so long before he leaves but does that stop us from having nightmares? No. Does that stop us from breaking down at the most inconvenient moments? No. Does that stop us from hating the military a little bit for taking the men that we love away from us? Absolutely not.

My name is Malena and I'm an Army Wife. I got the news this last Thursday. It's our first deployment and I knew it was coming. We all know it's coming eventually--they joined the Armed Forces for a reason--to fight for our country. But this one I really did know was coming because he volunteered for it. The commander of the 624th came to his unit and asked for volunteers because their unit was still too small so....Zach, being the devoted soldier that he is, came home and told me all about it. We talked about it for a really long time and on the last day possible he sent in his intent to volunteer. That was 4-5 months ago so we thought that the 624th had already found enough volunteers.

Boy

were

we

wrong.

Thursday night, right before we were about to head out for the night, he decided to check his AKO e-mail and lo and behold there's the worst e-mail I have ever seen in my life. I looked over his shoulder, saw two words, and my stomach dropped like an anvil. I tried so hard to put on a brave face but he knew I was faking. He tried to get me to come sit with him on the couch but I knew I'd start bawling so I just stood there staring at him. I didn't even have time to blink before he was up holding me and I was completely breaking down. I don't remember the last time I've cried like that. I felt like my world was ending.

It's been a week since we found out and it's finally gotten easier to talk about. I don't cry every time I think about it anymore. Yesterday, we even talked about kids and what I was going to do while he was gone and when he gets home for 15 minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry.

Progress. ...right?

My name is Malena and my soldier deploys in April 2012 for 15 months. This is my journey to stay Army Strong.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."--Anonymous

PT stud, and zumba, and hair dye...OH MY!

To start: Mad Props go to Zach for demolishing his PT test today!! He was praying to just pass the running portion and he beat it by a minute and a half! I am so proud of him! This test was causing him a lot of stress because of what we would lose if he had failed. I am just so glad that he finally relax. So, his goal? BEAT!

My goal of getting back to pre-wedding weight by my birthday is not happening. I'm sure I would've been just fine if it wasn't for that accident. Over spring break I went 4-wheeling with dad and Zach and the ATV flipped on top of me and rolled down the hill. Luckily I just got some gnarly bruises, and a messed up wrist, and that no one else was hurt. Anyways, because I'm still recovering from that, I haven't been able to exercise. Zach bought me DDR which I have just started being able to play and I love it! It's keeping me active but nowhere near active enough to lose the weight I need to. I've only got 2 months to lose 25 lbs :\

This made me decide on something drastic. I'm going to buy Zumba. Zach doesn't know yet so I'll probably tell him tonight when he calls (I hate drill weekends). I'm SUPER excited for it to come! I'll keep the 0 people that read this thing updated with how everything's going. I'm hoping to at least look less fat for Jessie's wedding next month.

This isn't a goal but on Thursday night Zach helped me dye my hair, I got impatient and accidentally washed out all of the dye so he bought me a new one and we started over the next morning. At first it didn't seem very different then I got to work and everyone was asking about it and I looked in the mirror and it had darkened a lot. I really like the new color. It's not what I was going for but it's a nice one. When Zach comes back with his computer I'll post pictures. I am so lucky! How did I get a husband who loves me so much that he'll help me dye my hair TWICE just to make me smile?

I can't wait to move! Of course, the Army is stealing Zach from me for 2 weeks so I'm by myself but my family and friends so good to offer to come help me. We're moving to Goshen with the parents for the summer until we can find a house that's closer to his unit. We're tired of spending $200/month on gas. I hope we can find something in our price range! One thing about growing up I hate: BILLS.

Life just turned into an adventure...

Sunday was our first week in our new ward. We both think we're going to really enjoy it there. The members are so friendly and really hilarious. They all made us feel so welcome. One of the older ladies told us that they would adopt us until we move so that we wouldn't feel homesick for our homewards and that she had better see us at all of the ward parties. She then hugged us really tight and told us how excited she was for us to be there. Another older woman asked me my name so I told her and she replied very sternly, almost to the point of anger, "And does Malena have a last name?!" I'm pretty sure I'm going to be scared by her for quite a while...

Monday I ended up in the ER for 4 hours. After being pumped full of medication, having 7-8 tests done, and an ultrasound of everything done, doctors still can't figure out what's wrong with me...nothing new there. The only thing I really remember about that night was Zach refused to sleep and I got mad about something and told him that "I'm the ONLY girl that gets to straddle you!" Yeah...no idea what that was about. He said that I was really funny because of the drugs though. On a happier note, I got to miss work for two days and I got a new one today. I start next Wednesday.

The new job is at a restaurant called Bluebird Cafe. I guess I'm going to be a hostess and a server there. I did that for 13 months so it should mostly just be a refresher course and learning a new menu. I'm really excited for it! Better pay, no chemicals, no scrubbing other peoples...messes...all day. That's the life! It's also a better job because I will get to go to school in January and keep the job.

I went to talk to my advisor last week and she informed me that as of 2012 USU will have a Vet School so I won't have to wait a year for Zach to graduate before I can apply for grad school! We're going to live in Logan for 6 more years and then we'll have to move to Pullman, WA for 2 years so I can finish up Vet school. Oh by the way, I'm going to school to become a Veterinarian. My father-in-law? EXTREMELY excited! That is, until I told him that I wasn't going to be done with school for 8 years. He wants his business to stay in the family but I don't think he wants to own it for that long so he's looking for a buyer.

Zach and I looked at a few houses today to move into and the best bet is a beautiful, old, yellow house. The only downfall is that Zach can't get a Husky. Every place we have looked at so far has had weight/breed restrictions. The realtor asked them about pets and they said we could have our Chiweenie there but no Husky. I don't know why, there's a HUGE backyard that is completely fenced in. Oh well, it's their house I guess. When we move to Washington I'll buy him a Husky for sure. Anyways, we're probably going to be moving into the new house at the beginning of December. I can't wait!! Finally no neighbors that keep me up until 2 in the AM! I can finally go to bed at 10 :)

Well, I found the dog I want. I found it a few days ago and for the price he's asking it's probably already sold. A Chiweenie for $75?? That's completely unheard of. I really hope he's still got the dog or I can find one for a reasonable price.

Zach's school is going great! A few retarded teachers but you've got to have those every semester or it just wouldn't be college, right? For the most part, though, he loves it. He can't wait to be done with his generals so he can start the classes he started going to school for. 4 1/2 more years and he'll be out in the real world.

Let's play some catch-up!!

Day 1: WE MADE IT!!!

After over a year filled with joy, heartache, tears, and laughter we FINALLY made it! Time had finally brought us to

our wedding day! I couldn't believe that I was sitting next to my "fiance" as a Fuller for the LAST time in my life. Our sealer seemed to talk for hours but it finally got to the big moment where I got to look at the man I had chosen to spend Eternity with and wonder why. Haha no, it was the greatest feeling! I could finally stop worrying about car accidents or stupid things that would've stopped us from getting married.

After we got out of the temple I saw all of our family there and it was so amazing! There were so many pictures to be taken and people were running around trying to get everything done in 10 minutes because of the motel situation but there was still love emanating from everyone I saw. The only things that could've made it better would be to have Zach's oldest brother there, Tawna and her family there, and Jon and Kelsi, who had had their son, Cohen, an hour before the ceremony!! I feel so blessed to have him born on the day I was married.

The reception was a blast!! First things first, thank you to everyone who helped set up, during, and after the reception! You were the people who made it go flawlessly! So many people showed up who I thought weren't going to make it and it made my night! The DJ and his family

were spectacular! He did such a fabulous job and his family is absolutely adorable! I don't think it would have been as much fun without all of the people who put all

their hearts into making this such a special day for both Zach and me. I loved seeing family and friends whom with I haven't spoken in years! I think one of the best touches on the dance floor

had to be the bubble machine. During the first dance, the DJ turned it on and all of my nephews and my niece ran out onto the floor trying to pop them all. I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time. At the end of the night, after we were almost literally pushed out of the reception, we went to go see Kelsi and Cohen at the hospital. I instantly fell in love with him. And she looked fabulous, like always! After that, we went to Hines Mansion where we spent the night in a seaside room. It was the cutest thing ever :)