All I Want for Christmas...

I've never been one to buy things for Christmas. Growing up, we drew names and bought for one sibling so that it was affordable. Then I married into a family who LOVES presents! It's taken me a year to get used to, but I think I have finally gotten my head around the whole present thing. So, this year, just so I won't have an excuse, I started tonight.

This year, I'm making blankets for all 9 nieces and nephews. If I could find my camera I would post pictures of the fabric because I'm really excited about them. Unfortunately, it cost me twice what I was wanting to pay and I was having a heart attack until I did the math and it's only $12/child. It just seemed like a lot to spend at once. I called Zach freaking out (as you should remember from the first paragraph, I don't do presents) and he had to remind me that it's an ok price.

Hopefully, I'll find my camera soon so everyone can see the before and afters! 

"Army Wife: It's not a status, it's a life long promise to him."

Blessed

I feel so blessed today.

This is the first day in weeks...maybe even months...that I have actually looked at the world around me. I have been so stressed with school and church and trying to find a job that I have completely ignored all the beautiful miracles that surround me every single day.

My eyes were opened today to all the things that I had been missing in my grief.

 Here are my little miracles and tender mercies that The Lord sent just for me today (most of them).

1. Today at school the parking lady gave me a pass without my car registration. NO MORE PARKING TICKETS! WOOHOO!

2. While I was talking to my friend I got to be outside for two hours enjoying the warmth while having my testimony strengthened by our conversation.

3. I got an 89% on my math test. Then my teacher told everyone to add 10 points so I ended up with a 99%

4. Driving home I didn't get mad at any of the driving-challenged drivers on the freeway.

5. I got greeted at the door by my puppy who was legitly excited to see me. 

6. Even though my sweet, sweet husband is sick, he was so selfless and went to work today so that he can provide for us.

7. I took Jax on a walk and discovered a new part of my complex I had never seen before. It was the most peaceful place I have been in so long.

8. While at my new favorite spot, I got to see the first two geese come back! I am so excited for the geese to be back home this winter. I have been waiting for them for 3 months.

9. I got to sit and listen to the fountain and waterfalls while Jax explored.

10. I got to feel the Lord's love around me all day long and thus, I have been happy all day long.

11. In my times of need, I have had the most loving and supporting family and friends anyone could ask for. They all know just what to say to make things better.

12. I got to eat lunch with my husband today...I even got a kiss (he's sick so he doesn't want me sick too)!!!

13. I got to watch a bird dive into the water for food twice. I have never seen that before. It was so incredible.

14. I am blessed with the knowledge that my Savior lives and loves me. I know that He knows our weaknesses, fears, pains, and sadness and that He will send angels and tender mercies when we least expect them so that our burdens may be lighter. I know that I was born in the last days when the church is fully restored, when we have a living prophet to lead and guide us every day. I know that He lead my husband to me to bless me every single day with his unending love.

This is just a short list of all the things I was blessed with, so far, today.

I have been so selfish the past few months and I need to start being selfless so that I can attempt to pay back the Lord for everything he helped me see today.

Today, my heart is full of gratitude to the Lord, my family, my friends, and especially Zach. I am so thankful to those who have put up with me all these years and helped to shape me into the woman I am today.

May we all see the miracles that surround us each day and thank God for trusting us enough to allow us to see them.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."

Happy Anniversary, Tawna & Erik!! AND Welcome baby Lennox!

Happy Anniversary to my sweet sister, Tawna, and her wonderful husband, Erik!! Thank you for everything you both have done for me over the years! I love you both so much!

Erik and Tawna 

Maddox

Phoenix

Phoenix with two of her favorite cousins: Kaden and Korbyn

This is one of my favorite pictures

Family photo

Erik and Maddox

(I'm sorry I only had pictures from the wedding of you two!)


I found out after I posted this that she had her baby. Lennox "Hot Tub" Byron Bruun. He is adorable!

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."

Welcome, Great Pumpkin!!!

This is the long version but you can't see it very well.

This is the better version but I stopped mid-sentence because I forgot the pebbles...

Last year I was so sad because we didn't have enough money to decorate for any of the holidays so Zach promised that this year we would. As we were waiting for my prescription to be filled, we sauntered over to Michael's to see what kind of crafty things they had. I wanted to buy the whole store! Fortunately, I had Zach with me and he helped me limit myself.

We bought:

A black vase

Black leafs with purple glitter

Black leafs with silver glitter

Black and Orange-glitter twiggy things

Spiders

Spider candles

Little pebble things

A purple plate

Foam to stick everything in

And 

A Skeleton

If it sounds like it cost a lot, you would be absolutely correct. Was it worth it? H-E-double hockey sticks yes. The video is just of the centerpiece I made tonight. It took me two hours. You can't see it very well and it looks a lot better in person but that's the best I could do considering my camera is dead.

Zach bought a skeleton to hang on our door...that's where he is currently "hanging out" (that was funny. laugh.). He thinks it's naked so when I go back to buy the spiderweb table cloth he'll need to get something to jazz it up a bit. 

I know it's only September but I, seriously, cannot wait for Halloween! These next few months are my very favorite time of the year! Are any of you as excited as I am? What are you doing to get in the Halloween spirit?

"Army Wife: It's not just my status, it's my life long promise to him."

It's a Bittersweet Symphony (sorry for the length!!)

I know, I know, I know ANOTHER post today. I'm sorry! I just feel like I need to spread the good news...well, bittersweet news anyways. Here's the update on my visit to the doctor.

First, I will NEVER go to him again. He's rude. However, he DID tell me some important information. In last week's blog I mentioned that I was going to the doctor to see what was up with the lateness and the negative pregnancy tests. I'm still not pregnant but this time instead of telling me, "Keep trying" like all the others he said, "I think I know what's wrong. Let me double check." which was nice. And sure enough, I have something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This means that I have a lot of cysts on my ovaries which are doing some pretty gnarly things to my body.The most important things though are that it's why I haven't been able to lose weight since I got married (I've gained 46 lbs with no success in losing even 1 of them!!) and that it makes it a billion times harder for me to get pregnant.

Hard Pregnancy:

Apparently, I don't ovulate like the average woman. Sometimes when I'm on my period I still won't ovulate and other times I will miss my period altogether (like I did in August). Since getting pregnant takes everything being perfect and just at the right time anyways, this just screws with the system. Dr. Park prescribed me some medication that I take on days 5-9 and they will supposedly help me ovulate that month.

He explained this VERY poorly and basically told me, "Yeah, good luck getting pregnant" (read that statement with as much sarcasm as you can muster). I was devastated, to put it lightly. I went back to school and told Zach then went home for the day. On my way home I decided to call my sister, Tawna. I explained everything that happened and she told me not to listen to my doctor and that I could get pregnant then explained more about PCOS than my actual doctor did. She even told me stories about some of her friends getting pregnant with PCOS. I love her so much for that. She calmed me down a lot. So, I'm headed to the pharmacy to pick up the pills soon and see what happens with that.

Even if they don't work, I'm doing a lot better with it now and I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it will happen. Just because it's not in my time doesn't mean He doesn't hear me. I'm trying to keep trusting Him during all of this.

Weight Gain:

Dr. Park told me that I can't lose weight like the average person so I have to force myself to lose weight. This came as a HUGE shock to me because before I got married I was dropping weight like it was a hot potato. I didn't have to diet or anything...I just didn't gain. And all he said on this topic was "You have to force yourself". That's it. Not another word was said. I have never had a doctor who didn't explain that before. He's lucky I didn't think he meant, "Go Anorexic". Anyway, that night I went to my parents' house because my brother was surprising his wife by coming home from AIT (military school). We spent the whole weekend there which was great but still didn't solve my weight problem. Now, I'd tried everything. I'd exercised, I'd dieted and nothing worked. That is, until my mom told me about her diet. I knew about it because she did it while I was growing up but I never wanted to do it. This thing works like a charm!

What is it? It's called Amylose Free. So, here it is:

 Part 1: if it has wheat in it you can't eat it.

Go gluten free. 

You can have oats and barley, so all you oatmeal lovers keep on eating. Here's some info about that (click here!)

Part 2: 

if something has sugar in the first 3 ingredients don't eat it!

and Part 3:

No bleached food so that means only brown rice.

Finally Part 4:

Follow the Glycemic Index

This part isn't as hard as it sounds. It's pretty much "No Duh" stuff. Here's where you'll find a great site with all the information on that (click here!). 

OH! I almost forgot. You can occasionally have a baked potato but mashed are OUT OF THE QUESTION!! Boiled potatoes bring out that Amylose starch that you don't want. 

The first 28 days are the hardest, or so my mom says. But after that you will have no problem sticking to it. 

At first, I thought it was going to be really expensive but it's not. There are some things that are a bit more expensive than regular food but it's so worth it. Just buy fresh things and you'll be ok. 

So, does it work? I started it on Monday and last night (Thursday) at 11:45PM I checked my weight and I had lost 4 lbs. I'd say it works. 

I'm taking Zumba twice a week which, I know, helped with the weight loss. Exercise will increase your results a lot. Even just going for a 30 minute walk every day. 

There's my bittersweet news. Hopefully, some of you can use this diet. When it gets hard just stick to your guns just remember that I'm doing it too so you're not alone! No sugar is the worst part. I never ate candy before and I'm craving it so bad. Stick to it! It works! Good Luck!

"Army Wife: It's not just my status, it's my life long promise to him."

An Old Obsession

I've been dreaming again. Dreaming of post-deployment, of post-Army. Dreaming of raising our little family in a house of our own.

When Zach and I finally buy our house there are a lot of things that I want to do to make it ours. What, you may ask? Well, to start things off I'm going to finally do the one thing I've wanted to do for years.

Chalkboard Refrigerators

This one is the one I was

originally thinking about. 

I think this patterned

one is really fun. 

This isn't a fridge but it's a really cute kitchen.

This is cute but not "it".

This one is neat because it still

has the ice and water thing.

I think that I want a fridge that takes panels so that if I get sick of one color I can just take the panels out and put different ones in. There are so many different colors of chalkboard paint out there but black speaks to me the most.

This is my obsession for today. One day I'll get to do it. Until then, I'll just keep the smile on my face and I'll keep dreaming.

"Army Wife: It's not just my status, it's my life long promise to him."

When You Wish Upon a Star......you end up at the doctor??

In the immortal words of Jiminy Cricket,

When you wish upon a Star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your Dream

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As Dreamers do

Fate is kind

She brings to those who love

The sweet fulfillment of

Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue

Fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star

Your dreams come true

Well, for the past year I've wished on every star and, Darn it, Jiminy Cricket, I never got my wish.

In 30 minutes I'm headed to the doctor. Not how I wanted to spend my morning, but that's where I'm going, regardless. Today marks day 43 and 3 negative pregnancy tests. Now, I get to spend all morning getting poked and prodded for who knows what tests. To make matters worse, Zach can't come. He gets to be a good little boy and go to class since it's his first day for two of them. So, I'm on my own.

When you wish upon a star, Fate supposedly steps in and gives you what you wished for. This time, Fate stepped in and gave me a doctor's visit. Where in that song does it say that Fate has a sense of humor? Here's to hoping his sense of humor doesn't last too much longer, eh?

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."--Anonymous

Grateful for the little things...

****4:23 AM****

I wake up on the couch with Zach wondering why I wasn't in bed. The truth is, I was crying about the deployment and I went into the Livingroom so I wouldn't wake him. I guess I fell asleep there. He got me back into bed and I was fine again.

****6:00 AM****

His alarm goes off and he doesn't realize that it's already woken me up so I get to hear, "Oh crap, shhh....SHHH!!!" as he tries to turn it off before it wakes me up. Then he quietly sneaks out of the room to get ready for his week. I just smile to myself before I fall back to sleep.

****7:00 AM****

I wake up to a gentle kiss goodbye for the last time in who knows how long.

He's on orders this week setting up for the FTX. I don't know when I'll get to see him again. For all I know, he's going to be working through the night every night and just sleeping at the Barracks.

Today, I am grateful for the little things he does for me--like this morning. They make me fall in love with him all over again. They give me little moments to hang on to that get me through the hard days.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him." --Anonymous

HE'S

***********************************************

DEPLOYING

These are the words that every Military Wife dreads hearing. He may have a week or a month or even a year before he goes, but the worrying starts as soon as those words register in our minds. As much as we'd like to ignore it there's just that stupid nagging in the back of our heads of: what if he gets shot?; what if he gets captured?; what if something happens to the helicopter he's in?; what if...what if...what if?

Sure we've got so long before he leaves but does that stop us from having nightmares? No. Does that stop us from breaking down at the most inconvenient moments? No. Does that stop us from hating the military a little bit for taking the men that we love away from us? Absolutely not.

My name is Malena and I'm an Army Wife. I got the news this last Thursday. It's our first deployment and I knew it was coming. We all know it's coming eventually--they joined the Armed Forces for a reason--to fight for our country. But this one I really did know was coming because he volunteered for it. The commander of the 624th came to his unit and asked for volunteers because their unit was still too small so....Zach, being the devoted soldier that he is, came home and told me all about it. We talked about it for a really long time and on the last day possible he sent in his intent to volunteer. That was 4-5 months ago so we thought that the 624th had already found enough volunteers.

Boy

were

we

wrong.

Thursday night, right before we were about to head out for the night, he decided to check his AKO e-mail and lo and behold there's the worst e-mail I have ever seen in my life. I looked over his shoulder, saw two words, and my stomach dropped like an anvil. I tried so hard to put on a brave face but he knew I was faking. He tried to get me to come sit with him on the couch but I knew I'd start bawling so I just stood there staring at him. I didn't even have time to blink before he was up holding me and I was completely breaking down. I don't remember the last time I've cried like that. I felt like my world was ending.

It's been a week since we found out and it's finally gotten easier to talk about. I don't cry every time I think about it anymore. Yesterday, we even talked about kids and what I was going to do while he was gone and when he gets home for 15 minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry.

Progress. ...right?

My name is Malena and my soldier deploys in April 2012 for 15 months. This is my journey to stay Army Strong.

"Army Wife: It's not my status, it's my life long promise to him."--Anonymous

PT stud, and zumba, and hair dye...OH MY!

To start: Mad Props go to Zach for demolishing his PT test today!! He was praying to just pass the running portion and he beat it by a minute and a half! I am so proud of him! This test was causing him a lot of stress because of what we would lose if he had failed. I am just so glad that he finally relax. So, his goal? BEAT!

My goal of getting back to pre-wedding weight by my birthday is not happening. I'm sure I would've been just fine if it wasn't for that accident. Over spring break I went 4-wheeling with dad and Zach and the ATV flipped on top of me and rolled down the hill. Luckily I just got some gnarly bruises, and a messed up wrist, and that no one else was hurt. Anyways, because I'm still recovering from that, I haven't been able to exercise. Zach bought me DDR which I have just started being able to play and I love it! It's keeping me active but nowhere near active enough to lose the weight I need to. I've only got 2 months to lose 25 lbs :\

This made me decide on something drastic. I'm going to buy Zumba. Zach doesn't know yet so I'll probably tell him tonight when he calls (I hate drill weekends). I'm SUPER excited for it to come! I'll keep the 0 people that read this thing updated with how everything's going. I'm hoping to at least look less fat for Jessie's wedding next month.

This isn't a goal but on Thursday night Zach helped me dye my hair, I got impatient and accidentally washed out all of the dye so he bought me a new one and we started over the next morning. At first it didn't seem very different then I got to work and everyone was asking about it and I looked in the mirror and it had darkened a lot. I really like the new color. It's not what I was going for but it's a nice one. When Zach comes back with his computer I'll post pictures. I am so lucky! How did I get a husband who loves me so much that he'll help me dye my hair TWICE just to make me smile?

I can't wait to move! Of course, the Army is stealing Zach from me for 2 weeks so I'm by myself but my family and friends so good to offer to come help me. We're moving to Goshen with the parents for the summer until we can find a house that's closer to his unit. We're tired of spending $200/month on gas. I hope we can find something in our price range! One thing about growing up I hate: BILLS.